


Only Heaven Knows

by suzukamori



Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Amber Alert??, Angst, Character Death, Depressed Park Jimin, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Drama, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Jimin is mad at jesus, Lost Child, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Kind Hearted, Mystery, Park Jimin Is Bad at Feelings, Park Jimin-centric, Self-Acceptance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Taehyung | V Is Park Jimin Self Proclaimed Best Friend, Tragedy, What Was I Thinking?, church, did i say drama?, sooo much angst that youll be emo, sooo much drama, yeah someone dies but youll have to sit down and guess who
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2018-08-22 03:49:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8271556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzukamori/pseuds/suzukamori
Summary: Jimin lives in a small town that is set on giving him hell for the way his heart loves. He blames God for this and many other's things.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cross posted from [asianfanfics](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1153460). This contains more drama than the last kdrama you watched. I ❤ drama! I'm a dramatic little bitch so that's why it contains it.
> 
> \\(°-°)/ enjoy the fic!

Heaven is a place we all hang on to that we are going there someday.

Heaven is the place where as a human being, even if the person doesn’t believe in anything bigger than they are, wish to go there. It’s the promised place that every grander being has told their followers that if they do as they say and follow every step they will win a little piece of whatever heaven they have spared for them and that they’ll be rescued from being damned.

That’s a little different from what Jimin has ever thought of heaven to be. For him, heaven and everything that had to do with it and everything his mother and father had taught him about believing in God, then again, felt empty in his heart. When many things fail to feel right he goes and prays for that one person to come and take him out of here because he doesn’t think he’ll make it out alive.

For Jimin heaven is a place that only the ones that had ever truly listened to what the pastor had been telling them know that there is a possibility that it is wrong and that everything that they had taught him to be ‘true love’ is utterly erroneous. Simply put, after everything that has happened, Jimin doesn’t believe that God is truly a God of love.

Nobody deserves the things he goes through on a daily basis. He doesn’t wish this to anyone; not even his nemesis.

It was a Sunday. The weather was nice and the day was beautiful outside. Perfect to go out on a pic nick. The flowers bloomed and the smell of morning dew was in the air dancing along with the cold air of spring.

“Jimin come down the breakfast is ready!” his mother announced from the kitchen where the exquisite odor of American breakfast style came from. “And is going to get cold.”

Jimin saw himself in the mirror for a last time. His white button shirt, black pants and black shoes were all in place; even his chestnut hair was brushed forward and ready to go. The only missing thing was his tie that hung loosely around his neck. He contemplated the fact of how it would look like if it hanged on his neck as it would take his breath away. Science says that the life of a person flashes before the eyes for fifteen minutes when the person’s dying.

Will he even see his –

“Also, we are getting late for church.”

He walked down the stairs arranging his tie and sat down at his usual chair that was in front of his father and to his left his mother’s chair. Never raising his sight towards his father. Always looking down for his own good. Mr. Park is reading the newspaper with a smoking pipe on his mouth, but Jimin could feel him raise his gaze from the newspaper and look at him sternly as if telling him to hurry up and do whatever he has to do quickly.

Jimin is finally neatly settled for church and eats the food as fast as he can because he knows the consequences of arriving late to church are pretty bruising.

There are a lot of things Jimin miss in his house. For example, when his brother used to be there in the same house with him fighting against dragons and beast from the kingdom. What he misses the most was when the house used to be a home. That’s the best exemplary of a broken home torn apart by decisions said to be done by the good cause of His Grace the Lord are precisely right here in this house and there is nobody else to blame than to his own and Yahve for letting it happen.

Things changed so fast he didn’t even felt or saw them coming. Jimin is remotely sure that everyone in town is mad at him, even God himself. But, who is he to question or to defend himself against the many profanities he deserves? He is no one.

Sadness doesn’t cease and the many question increase as of why did he had to go through all of this. He quite remembers when everything used to be so different and when he wasn’t so unhappy. When he was vivid and not so quiet; he remembers it all too well. Jimin gets happy when he thinks of something funny or when he’s planning on doing some kind of adventure to the abandoned mansion at the other side of the Benson hill however nothing ever last and the nostalgia and sorrow come all too quickly when the chair to his right is empty.

Where he used to sit down and make funny comments about how Jimin always resembles a chipmunk when he eats quickly filling up both of his cheeks making everyone in the table burst into fits of laughter. Nowadays he eats slowly and everyday a little less than the other. Nowadays he doesn’t even dare to pass by the room or crack a joke.

They go to the church and sit down in their usual middle row. The church isn’t big but it’s all beautifully decorated in bronze, whites and gold that hints the reds. It looks so pristine and worthy of any beautiful celestial being. With the mosaics windows of the angels, the Virgin and Jesus with his eyes closed praying. They say that the church is the house of God and that he is always there but, how come he isn’t there ever since, why has Jimin never felt the presence of such a Majestic being?

“Good day everybody!” the pastor greets and everybody reciprocates the greeting with the same cheery tone. “How are the brother and sisters of this beautiful town?” and everyone replies with saying that they’re good. The pastor starts talking about how blessed they are for waking up to another beautiful day and that God loves them all.

Unlike other days that he talks about the plans God has for each person inside the communion, today he talks about how God supposedly saved him from temptation and saved his marriage. The pastor talks about how he decided to leave the path of the sins and follow the path that the Lord had for him. He talks about the sin and punishment of the people of Jerusalem in Jeremiah eight saying four. The things they were supposed to do, their call, but they refused to follow the Lord.

He explains why he is here this day talking about it. Talking about the things he went through but there was one little detail that Jimin wanted to voice out.

Is that how a man like him be still here, talking about being in the right path and doing things correctly, when he’s a bag full of dirty little lies? This town is full of crap and lies and everybody that lives here knows this. Everyone in this town are bound to be the best liars anyone can come across with

Jimin had lost the only thing that he had ever loved because of this unwise bastard that – “Jimin, are you paying attention to what the priest is saying?” his mother whispered almost hissed to his ear.

No. He wasn’t listening. Jimin didn’t wanted to listen to any of this bullshit.

“Yes ma.” He lied while he smiled. She nodded believing him. He felt pathless. Why no one ever believes the one that says the right things – the truth? No one ever actually see’s that this man is the fiend in disguise.

The preacher gets Jimin’s undivided attention when he starts talking about love. Yes, ladies and gentleman; a ruthless bastard is talking about love. What does he even know about love? Jimin doesn’t know if he wants to cry or laugh. Maybe do both.

Laugh as he cries because everything is so cynical and ironic.

“God loves us.” He starts and everybody goes quiet. “I am not just saying it; it’s a fact.” The pastor walks a bit to the front taking the bible with him in his left hand while the right one is holding the microphone. He lifts the bible. “And I have the proof of it,” he sides the bible a bit, showing it. “Right here.” People from the audience shout the Amen. “But he also is the Father that will punish us when we do something wrong; when we sin.” The preacher goes back to his podium and opens his bible in a certain page where he sends everyone to.

“Now from the beginning of our time the Lord, since Adam and Eve, has sent us to multiply.” He marches down the podium and for one brief moment he looks at Jimin but no one noticed this. “The Lord has sent all of us the procreate and serve him rightfully. He stated that it is man and woman. It doesn’t say anything about Adam and Steve.” The brothers and sister in communion applaud.

“This sexual desires inclined towards the same sex is a product of the devil!” he puts emphasis in the whole sentence. “Because Lucifer lures you to sin but it’s within us to accept or refuse it entirely. But I will tell you that he’ll try his best to make you fall for it.” The pastor walks through the center of the church between the path that separates the wood seats. “Every bad thing that happens to us is product of the devil and I must say that not even I remain exempt of all his maleficent acts because I am a son of God.” The people start applauding. Jimin thinks he’ll fall sick if he stays a bit more to listen. “There are so many lost souls out there that need Jesus in their lives.”

He stands firm looking at Jimin while phrasing the ghastly words. “Gay people are nuisances; disgusting creatures created by Satan. Their love is a falsehood and when God comes for his people he’ll get rid of them once again like he did with the people of Sodom and Gomorra. Their love is wrong and it should never happen. They don’t know what love is; love is when the person you love submits to you –”

Running away seemed like the best answer at the very moment. Jimin stood up as he excused himself and directed himself towards the exit because being there wasn’t the best place. It’s toxic. Full of hypocrites. He knows he was going to be in the mouths of the people of the town once again and he knows that people started to talk as soon as he walked away from the place.

They were shamelessly pointing fingers at him and whispering profane things about him.

“First of Corinthians thirteen says: ‘love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.’ Now, Mr. Preacher,” the voice sounds ladylike, soft, with poise and challenging even. “Why don’t you preach about love correctly? I bet none of you even knew that this aphorism existed and that it’s in the bible and comes from the bible. Also what happened in Sodom and Gomorra wasn’t because of gay people only; it was because God himself felt disappointed with the elevated levels of discordance from all the people. Heterosexual included.”

The whole church goes quiet. Even the pastor doesn’t know what to say and Jimin’s feet stay frozen at the exit door; holding the door knob because he had not once heard someone dare to talk that way to the pastor. Jimin had certainly not in his years of going to this joke for a Gods’ temple seen someone stand up and use the verses of the bible against the pastor. The woman stands with the bible in her left hand and with her right hand she fixes her glasses as she sets her eyes back and firm towards the preacher. She was dressed elegantly in a white dress and black heels. This woman was old but the years haven’t fall upon on her.

“I bet you’re all busy pretending that you are all sons’ of God but you forget the most basic thing Yahve has sent us all to do.” The woman takes her glasses off. “Love each other above all.” Everyone in the church is left flabbergasted. “I am not just saying it; it’s a fact.” The woman walks out of the row taking the bible with her in her left hand while the right one is holding her glasses. She closes the bible and lifts it. “And I have the proof of it,” she sides it a bit, showing it. “Right here.”

The lady had the most discrete smile of victory and for a brief second she makes eye contact with Jimin and winks at him. “Now that I’ve seen it all; I have come to the conclusion that I have no business with you at all.” She had just officially made the pastor embarrassed in front of the town. Jimin was left flustered because somehow he got the message of the woman.

She was supporting him.

The woman beckoned the young man right beside her to follow her out the exit; he held her arm like a total gentleman walking her outside the door. Jimin opened the door for them as he followed right after them to flee from that place. He didn’t even know how to start or voice out for that matter how grateful he was because he felt for the very first time in years that someone, even if she was a stranger, had his back.

“Kim Haru.” She speaks and Jimin comes out of his thoughts.

“P-pardon?”

She smiles sweetly and motherly she turns around and leaves with the young man; not at least without him giving Jimin a last glance. The glance Jimin missed because he was too busy looking at the bushes. It was the last time that day he saw them.

Jimin wished there was someone that could save him back at his house from the hard punches he was receiving for leaving the church and being back at the towns people mouth. He didn’t know what else to do other than embrace all the bruises that were starting to form all around his body. ‘You deserve this’ he had heard it so many times that it became so bizarre when they didn’t say it.

Jimin believed it.

Jimin believed that he deserved to be treated this way. But, he still dares to question if he actually does deserve this. He still dares to question if there’s any God up there while crying his eyes out screaming his father to stop.

He cries until he falls unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've separated it into chapters because yeah.. my friend pestered me about this. ;-; please comment and leave me kuddos bc im a kuddo and comments hoe


	2. Chapter 2

Rumor has it that the abandoned mansion at the other side of the Benson hill was being lived again but no one knows who are the new people living in that place. It’s been years since it has been lived in. The last and only owner it ever had went bankrupt and the repo came to take a hold of it and ever since no one had lived in it. Jimin was twelve when everything happened.

But now the town was curious of who could buy such an expensive mansion. They were crazy to know who lived there; they were so ready to gossip about them like the way they gossip about the public embarrassment the pastor had two weeks ago by the mysterious woman. Not so mysterious to Jimin because, maybe, he was the only one to know the name of the woman who had his back even if it was for the shortest moment ever.

It replayed in his mind the name; Kim Haru.

And for the shortest moment he felt like someone cared for him. Like if he could get that back. There are many things Jimin wished he could get back that he knows he has lost. Forever. Now, that is a big word, but bigger is the truth behind it. Park Jimin used to be a happy little fellow back when he was sixteen years old. Back in the days when his little brother was there with him; playing pranks on him or even calling him weird names for the matter.

At the bottom of his heart he still has faith for his brother to be alive somewhere. Five years ever since he last heard the voice of Jungsoo over the phone. Five years since he last talked to his little brother, cracked a joke, played a prank, played around, talked about how his little brother wanted to ask a girl out, when Jimin confessed he’s homosexual. . . five years since Jimin last smiled genuinely. The last words that he heard his brother say was ‘hyung I’ll be alright’ and the seven missed calls right after that indicated that he wasn’t alright. Jimin wished he had his phone with him at the moment.

It was his fault after all.

Jimin was reading a book to distract himself from all of his surroundings.

“Jimin!” his mother called from her room. He hated to pass across the hallway that lead to his parents’ room because eventually he had to pass through Jungsoo’s room. He did anyways; ignoring or at least trying to ignore the fact that the door, the room for entire fact, that it is as it last was. No one has ever gone inside that room ever since he was last seen.

Knocking the door before entering his mother told him to come in; “Yes ma?” he asked crooking a smile.

“I’ll be out of town with your father for three weeks more or less. You’re going to stay here.” She was brushing her hair looking herself in the vanity mirror. “We don’t want you to bother us. Take the money now and go do some grocery shopping at the marketplace. Your father doesn’t trust you with the money if we leave you to it afterwards.”

“I understand.” He nods biting his lower lip.

Promptly he takes the money where his mother indicated on her wallet and with no further ado he speeds walks out of that room.

The Park family isn’t as happy as they seem to be for those who believe they are behind the doors. Jimin truly believes that the town are all idiots for actually taking that for a truth. Just because his parents force him to smile and pretend that they were alright when they weren’t doesn’t mean they are actually alright. Their forte is always acting and shrugging off every single problem by saying that Jesus gave them the answer to their problems and that they have faith that God himself will give them back their youngest boy.

Truth is that they aren’t waiting anymore. They don’t have faith; they are convinced that Jungsoo ran away because he wanted to and that they won’t look for him anymore but Jimin was convinced otherwise about his little brother. He truly believes that the person who last saw him had a lot to do with the disappearance of Jungsoo and that he didn’t ran away.

So many factors are at the stake here but everyone just decides to ignore them to the last bit. All they say about is how Jimin is a liar and believe the true fiend. They say that the Devil isn’t at all a man with horns and claws he’s the most beautiful man after all being to the fact that he was once God’s favorite angel. A beauty that has no comparison.

That’s the fiend you have to fear. The one that smiles to you but has the knife ready in the back.

“Don’t take those,” said a raspy, lethargic voice from behind. “Those are damaged.”  Jimin proceeds to put down the bag of shrimps he was collecting. 

“Oh, really?  I didn’t realize it, thank you.” He turns around to look at the voice that warned him about the shrimps and what he saw was a handsome man with silver hair. He couldn’t help but admire his charms and got hypnotized by his eyes. Small, single lid, umber eyes.

“It’s not that hard to know kid.”

The man takes the bag and shows him the expiration date. He raised an eyebrow and grinned to him on the mocking side. “O-oh!” Jimin is flustered.

Grocery shopping is something he rarely does anyways he’s not used to do this because – “you should learn how to read.”

Jimin eyes open like saucers because, yes, the man is handsome but rude. “Hey!” he points at him. “I know how to read.”

His smile is gummy and lopsided and Jimin have’s to blink various time because the smile is so breathtaking and it had taken him without guard. “Doesn’t seem like it because it was pretty big and clear right there that they are damaged and past the expiration date.” Jimin’s face dusted in every shade of pink because the man was making a fool out of him and at this point he started to look for his way out of being dumbfounded.

“Why do you care anyways?” he questioned with his attitude that was a bit over board.

“I don’t.”

The man merely declares and walks away making a fool out of Jimin once again. “Why? you!” Jimin stammers, points at him once again. “Hey! Come back here and apologize!” the man just keeps walking and flicks back a peace sing with his fingers. Jimin just sighs and gives up because people started to look at him like if he was crazy for making a scene like that. “Sheesh, why are older people so rude?” he mutters and pokes another bag of shrimps, his face reddening while he tries to hide it looking down as the hair falls down covering it.

“Jiminnie,” he recognizes that voice immediately.

“Yes Minseok hyung?” he inquires right after he turns around to look at Minseok. His first crush.

“Do you need help with your grocery shopping?” Minseok asks out of politeness. Jimin wants to say no and run away because he knows this is out of habit of the older man. He wished his heart didn’t race the way it’s doing right now for someone who doesn’t like him back the way he wanted him to. Jimin hesitates but ends up agreeing with a nod and to this Minseok’s shoulders seem to relax and smiles to him. “I saw you here and I thought you might need some help,” he grabs some fishes. “I know by default that this is not your thing and that Jungsoo is always the one to do so.” He pales. “I mean, was.” Minseok quickly fixes. “I’m so stupid. . . I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to –” it’s Jimin’s turn to smile comfortingly now.

“It’s okay hyung,” he sweetly murmurs. “I’m not used to it yet either.”

Jimin looks at him and all he sees is a beautiful man with a beautiful heart. Both of them start to walk around the store picking the needed things silently until the elder clears his throat to speak. “How’s,” Minseok swallows thickly. “How’s the investigation going? Did they find any clues?” it’s genuine concern. Jimin can tell this from how his eyes glimmer in tears that won’t fall here and it’s different from all the other’s that have asked for gossip.

“You know,” he puffs. “Same old thing. No clues of where he could be or if he’s dead or alive.” He wishes he could say more than this; like how his parents have given up on the investigation and don’t do follow ups and how they are belittling his little brother. Jimin instead says; “we are holding on our prayers to God to give us our little bundle of joy back.”

Minseok nods, and licks his lower lip. “That’s good. Keeping your faith and all,” he nods once again. “But changing the subject,” Minseok looks at him. “How are the men?” he smiles picaresque and wiggle his eyebrows to him and Jimin giggles.

“No hyung,” Jimin picks some good vegetables and inserts them inside the red basket. “There are no men.” They walk around to the third isle of the store.

Minseok snorts. “I saw you talking to that guy in the freezer area.” The older man takes some spices and looks at him as if he knows something Jimin doesn’t. Jimin looks at him offended and scoffs back at him.

“That rude idiot?” he laughs dryly. “No way.” Jimin shakes his head in ‘no’ motion uttering ‘uh-uh’. “Nope.” He refutes once again. “I don’t like rude boys hyung and besides I’m pretty sure that guys like him are definitely not, um, you know.”

Minseok guffaws and Jimin haves to make sure that people aren’t looking. The elder by now is almost wheezing and in tears, eyes hiding away in crescents. “You remind me of myself with Lu Han.” He breathes in and dries his laughter tears and slowly takes back his composure. “You know how Lu Han thought I wasn’t that way and I was a bit rude at him at first.” Minseok chuckles.

“I know hyung but, how is that relevant with Mr. Rude?” he inquires doing mimics at the last two words and Minseok grins at him.

“I know him.” Minseok declares, while whispering and Jimin tilts his head in confusion and speaks loudly.

“You know who?” the elder flicks the youngers’ forehead and shushes at him.

“The ‘Mr. Rude’ as how you call him, you dummy.” Minseok whispers once again. “He’s my cousin.” Minseok looks to both sides and comes closer to his ear and whispers; “they are the ones living at mansion in other side of the Benson hill.”

And it’s weird.

He’s never seen Minseok so interested on gossiping about someone he supposedly knows or is family with but is not the gossiping that it’s the weird part. It’s weird for the mere fact that this is the most he’s ever talked to the older man ever since he rejected Jimins’ feelings and told him that he was already taken by the Chinese guy he met when he went to do his interne practice at the United States. That crashed his heart because Jimin really felt infatuated towards him. However, he slowly got over him for the sake of keeping the promised and valuable friendship they had established already for years. Even so, his heart still races every time he sees Minseok but Jimin knows that his heart reacts like this out of habit and not because he still feels something.

“How’s that of my concern?” he squints his eyes and the elder just shrug it off with his hands flapping it.

“It isn’t.” Minseok states.

“But I know my cousin and he finds you interesting.” They are both now paying the articles and the woman is looking at them both bizarrely. A sing that if they say anything, just anything, out of the ordinary the whole town is going to know before the sun comes down with many different versions of one. Both of them smile back at her sickly sweet telling her off and to do her job without being a snitch.

Minseok walks with Jimin near the street to the youngers’ house holding the bags of the grocery. He knows to what extent they should walk to the younger house together because Minseok knows he’s not welcomed at Jimins’ house. All because he is openly homosexual and Jimin’s parents had declare that it was Minseok who got him that disease. It’s not a disease and he’s not cured of it as his parents had made him declare at the church in front of half of the town. Jimin knows he has always liked boys better than girls. He thought that his parents love unconditionally and supported him throughout anything but apparently they do when they think he is the things they’ve put into a mold and it’s heating in three hundred and fifty degrees but don’t at the moment he tells them ‘mom, dad… I’m gay.’ It’s funny how they even react like if the world has ended for them and ask themselves where did they go wrong when, really, it still is Jimin. The very same person they loved and unconditionally supported. The same person that likes orange as his favorite color. The same person that cats prefer rather than his neighbor down the street.  And really, that doesn’t make any sense to him.

“Well,” the older man speaks. “Here is where we part different journeys.”

Minseok smiles lastly to Jimin. It aches him that the dreamland is so much better than the reality he is living right now. “My aunt is having a dinner party next Friday. You can come if you’d like to do so.” He smiles.

“Hyung –”

Minseok shakes his heads. “Jimin you are always welcome in my family and you don’t cause any trouble.” The elder smiles. “Besides, Hanie wants to see you. Something about wanting to pinch your cinnamon rolls cheeks before we leave back to Hong Kong.” Jimin giggles because Lu Han is a weird creature and it’s cute that at least someone likes his baby fat.

They walk different paths now.

While Minseok walks to his home where he is fully accepted just the way he is Jimin goes to his house where he is treated like a monster, like garbage. It’s nothing new but it still hurts like fuck. Jimin puts the bags down in the kitchen and walks to his mother room to give her the change and receipt because she needs to make sure he didn’t purchase anything unnecessary even though she knows he won’t do it.

But she still does it anyways.

“Very well then,” she speaks rolling her eyes throwing the receipt on her purse. “I shall get going with your father and Jimin,” before she goes out the door she stops still giving him her back. “Keep yourself out of towns people mouth. We are having enough of your little spectacle. Get over your little swine for a brother at once.” Jimin balls his fists to his shirt and looks down because he knows that if he looks at her he’ll explode and say a lot of things that might win him a beating.

They leave and Jimin wishes it was for good.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay! i would like to clarify that the reason it's _Kim_ Haru and not _Min_ Haru. It's because in Korea woman stays with her surname even after marriage. However a kid born in the matrimony will not have their mothers surename but their fathers surename. Thus, it's _Kim_ Haru, and that would be making sense of Yoongi's relationship with Kim Minseok; who's father is siblings with Haru.

In times of desperation humans knock on the devils’ door like the miserable fools’ humans tend to be thus they crave for madness even when they aren’t ready to face the consequences. Jimin walks down the path he had memorized so well throughout all these years. To the castle where he once wanted a prince to come and save him and for his little brother to come a save a princess. He knows he shouldn’t be there but there are things that couldn’t be help and he knows this one is one of them. He’s dressed with a red, white stripes, button shirt and short to the knees pants. The hair is neatly done parted right in the middle with his bouncy, brown weaves. It all makes him handsome and subtly adorable.

Jimin in-exhales when he gets to the mansion trying to cease his nervousness. He proceeds to extend his hand to knocks on the big, black, wooden door that had engraved some kind of leaves he doesn’t recognize off. It’s his first time knocking the door; coming through the front door for all that matters.

He didn’t have to wait long until he heard the door knob shamble, opening revealing behind it a tall, blonde, doe eyed, skinny and pretty faced man whose eyes twinkle at the very same instant he locked gaze with Jimin. Gasping so loudly and dramatically that he jumps to him bringing the smaller boy into a super bear hug squealing, “Jiminnie!” from behind the door he heard familiar chuckles. “

Lu Han you’re going to kill him if you hug him like that.” Once again Minseok was there to save him.

“But –” Lu Han tries to protest but Minseok unwraps the arms from Jimin. “Alright.” He sighs. “I’ll let him go for now but,” the blonde man side eyes and rascally smiles. “He’ll have to sit right beside me when dinner starts. There’s no way in heaven or in hell that I’ll neglect this cutie potootie baby cheeks.” There’s no escape now and Jimin just brightly smiles.

“Fine Lu hyung. It’s a promise.”

Lu Han who always have and always will be a child at heart took his hand and closed it with a pinky promise.

The mansion has changed ever since he last saw it. The decoration now was a Victorian black and white with sophisticated chandeliers, hints of bronze and marble floor. The stairs were spiral now and it matched well the decoration. Everything was different and mesmerizing decorated in a simple way that looks all too well and fancy.

“Oh!” he heard the echo of a woman. “Aren’t you the darling from church?” she says and he can hear her heels hit the floor. It screams confidence, something he wished he had. When he turned around she was there like he last remembered her; she doesn’t look like the age has fallen upon her, her hair is black but the silver strands of wisdom are around sticking visibly. Right now she was wearing an elegant wine color dress with amethyst jewelry that details were black and black heels. Jimin bows respectfully the moment he sees her.

“Yes ma’am.” He provides the answer. She smiles and just like Minseok’s she haves a gummy smile. “You are so polite.” Haru says clapping both of her hands like a proud parent. “Yoongi should learn a thing or two from you,” she muttered disparagingly.

“Aunt,” Minseok comes forward. “This is Park Jimin. My childhood best friend.” The elder announces and the lady was visibly shocked for the confirmation of Minseok words.

“Good God! Is he?” she quickly says but there’s something that Jimin doesn’t understand in the looks between aunt and nephew.

“Am I bothering?” Jimin quickly comes with the assumption. “I should leave right? I- I knew I shouldn’t have come. I apologize—” he hurriedly goes to turn around and leave. Haru stops him, grabbing his hand and putting hers on top of his.

“Oh hush! You speak nonsense. You are more than welcomed in this household.” She urgently hushes him and promptly shoos’ him to the waiting room. “Go on and wait there. I’m sure Lu Han is going to entertain you and keep you very good company until my nephew and I get things set.” She shots a look to Lu Han whose eyes brighten quicker than Christmas trees and nods childishly.

“I will.” He promises.

“Oh and Lu Han,” Minseok speaks before leaving. “Go easy on the cheeks, will ya?” he didn’t even wait for a reply and left the room. Thus, leaving Jimin and Lu Han alone in a semi awkward silence.

It always starts that way but Jimin doesn’t know how the elder does it that manages to disperse every ounce of it in less than a second when he talks. Lu Han, according to Jimins’ conclusions, is the kind of person that you’ll never get an awkward silence to. He’s funny and witty with a high drive for talking about the things that make him passionate or when it comes to art. Sports is not his thing. Jimin discovered that for the way he just talks about it; it’s Minseok thing to talk about sports. He sees that Lu Han is madly in love with Minseok and he wished that someday he can find someone that talks and eyes sparkle the way Lu Hans’ does when he speaks about his favorite subject of them all; Kim Minseok.

And Jimin is glad that at least Minseok has found someone that loves him unconditionally and is willing with him throughout everything. They are laughing and having fun by their company and so far Jimin doesn’t have the constant crushing weight of feeling that he is doing something wrong or that he is failing at something so simple. For the first time in years he has forgotten about feeling bad for his lost brother. For the first time he feels relieved. For the first time he feels like he is breathing.

After a while of his cheeks hurting from so much laughter a man comes down from the stairs. He was wearing white button shirt, black skinny jeans and black and white converse with a black cap. Jimin recognizes him immediately and he wants to run away. Although he doesn’t know if he wants to or not to because from all the things that he was expecting was everything but this. Something fires up inside of him and it’s not something nice. Not holding back, the need to loudly scoff right about when they are face to face and as he does he speaks; “from all the people in this house you are the last one I was expecting Mr. Boorish.” He declares informally.

The way the man looks visibly disrespected has Jimin knowing that he hit just right in the spot and he couldn’t care less because he too had offended Jimin before.

“Okay, princess,” the guts he has to snigger right in his face and call him such names while being handsome whereas Jimin is trying to confront him and be mad at him for being such a rude idiot. “I’m sorry if I offended your flimsy feelings.” He places his left hand in his heart and raises the right one closing his eyes feigning offence. “I,” he postures himself straightly. “Min Yoongi tries to promise to be less impolite to mister,” he stretches the ‘r’ while he eyes him up and down, “who are you again?”

“He is Park Jimin.” Lu Han says, coming right then in the youngers’ defense. His voice didn’t waver and everything sounded like ultimatum or a death wish. Jimin has never seen such fire in Lu Hans’ eyes before and it makes him so unrecognizable and really out of character of him it makes Jimin question if they get along. “He is Minseok’s childhood friend,” only God knows if they do. “And I suggest for you, Yoongi, to be politer in front of his friends.” The way Lu Han smiles lastly it’s worse than any butcher knife because it sends a message and it’s received loud and clear. Yoongi looks back at Jimin but doesn’t apologize in spite of this he can see the respect that Yoongi feels towards Lu Han even though the man is a challenge it was still visible in his eyes.

“Whatever you say, Han hyung.” Yoongi nods once as a mere attempt of what Jimin thinks it’s an apology and directs himself towards the dining room.

“Thanks hyung,” Jimin sighs after Yoongi disappears from the room. “I really think I should go. I don’t want to bother anyone today with my –” just then Lu Han sneers. “You speak so much nonsense. You aren’t going anywhere.” And Lu Han was once again on his usual way of being all bubbly dragging him by the hand to only he knows where to. It confused him greatly that about a minute ago he was all fierce and right now he’s all bouncy. Something flicks on his brain.

He understands now.

He understands why is Lu Han the one Minseok wants and not him.

It starts with a grin and then he lastly burst out laughing and Lu Han stares at him not understanding what was going on; tilting his head cutely as per usual when he is confused. However, Jimin laughed more and more. He was feeling good.

“Oh no!” Lu Hans’ eyes are wide open placing his hands on both of his own cheeks. “I think I broke him.” He shakes his head fervently running to the kitchen shouting in a bit broken Korean; “Seok-ah! I think I broke Jiminnie!”

“Is he crying again?” Minseok comes back power walking drying his hand with a rag and Lu Han is pushing him to hurry up.

“No, no,” he mixes both languages. “He’s laughing and he doesn’t stop.”

They share few words in mandarin; probably Lu Han explaining Minseok what was going on or insulting Jimin. But, by the face of Minseok he could tell it wasn’t the latter. Minseok just looks back at Jimin who is trying to get back his composure but he would break into fits of giggles.

“Are you alright Jimin?” he asks in his per-usual soft voice.

Jimin shakes his head in yes motions. At this rate he couldn’t speak properly.

“Hyung,” he wheezed between laughter. “I understand now why you like him so much,” he exhales pressing a hand on his face running it into his now messy hair. The eldest of the three tilts his head in confusion. Furrowing his eyebrows. Then he slowly starts to smile too leaving, as it seems, Lu Han out of the joke.

“He is not broken Han.” He explains. “Jimin is just really happy; that’s just all.”

Lu Han see’s Jimin and this time he looks at him with the gaze like only a brother that wants to protect you looks at you. The one look that says ‘I understand your troubles and I’ll be here for you’. And Jimin is grateful.

“Come now,” Minseok says. “The food is ready.”

Jimin after a while goes and accompanies them back to the dining room. It’s spacious and has a big, pretty chandelier of crystals that buoys up all the room making it livelier. The canvases were all striking landscapes of distinct places; one calling his attention more than all the others. It was Jeju island–he can tell by the panorama.

“My husband painted that one.” Haru says. Jimin looks back at her. She looks back at him. Haru smiles and its dazzling.

“Is your husband joining us today?” he asks.

“Oh, no,” she merely laughs and shakes her head softly with a smile that is somewhat filled in melancholy. “He is not coming now or ever.”

“Why?” he probes, shocked about the revelation. And sometimes he wonders if he should stay quiet for eternity.

“He’s dead.” She replies bluntly.

Jimin pales incredibly and he feels like he’s going to puke.

“Oh- I shouldn’t have,” he wheezed. “God—I’m so sorry –” he means no harms to his words and she knows this; she smiles back once again.

“Just know that if you ever see him run because we’re having a zombie apocalypse.” Haru jokes and Jimin is torn between crying or laughing. He’ll decide that later.

Minseok and Lu Han come through the kitchen door with two food-carts one that had bowls with the warm food and the other plates. Yoongi coming along with the silverware paying no mind to Jimin just caring about his business; respecting his space as Lu Han had requested before. Jimin immediately moved to help arrange the table and there’s something he hasn’t quite put the finger on; the sensation he is feeling right now. He feels so foreign to it.

The familiarity in the household.

A real one. A real home.

The table arrangement goes three plates at one side and two at the other. There were six chairs; three in each side though one was empty and by previous and obvious reasons Jimin knows that it belongs to Haru’s deceased husband. And as promised Jimin sits down right beside Lu Han making the man glee with his happiness who claps like a kid having the toy he wanted for Christmas.  They talk quietly about everything and yet nothing at the same time. With boisterous laughter here and there from all the anecdotes Lu Han haves to share and surprisingly Yoongi is a funny guy after all. What is more behind all of his cocky, arrogant and disrespectful demeanor it’s that he is actually a very nice man.

Jimin can see this but he can’t help but feel this doubt that raises up to his chest. Why would they want him to be part of their dinner? Is not like if he is important in the first place or someone to look forward to. It’s just him. Park Jimin. The downtown boy whose life is too shitty for anyone’s liking but still pretends that everything is fine. Everyone in the room seemed happy – no, they are happy. Jimin wasn’t happy. He couldn’t be. Not when everything weighs down on him; about his family. . . about his little brother. How can he be so selfish? Somewhere around his brother is suffering while he is playing martyr. Is not fair for Jungsoo to—

“Everything alright?” the voice brings him back. Jimin looks up from his plate and he was expecting Lu Han voice but what he wasn’t expecting was that it came from Yoongi. Everyone in the room was looking at him concerned. Like a deer in the headlights he looks at them all and nods ever so slowly seeing how he subtly relaxes his body contrasting Haru on his side who relaxes all too visibly.

“Dear, you can share anything with us.” She says and it’s honest.

And he feels it. The knot in his throat that threatens him to choke him up. The vision gets blurred but tries to drag back the tears that just want to run down and meet up with his neck. He doesn’t let them. Not here. Not when there’s so many people looking. Not when he doesn’t deserve the pity of these people.

“Jimin,” it’s Minseok the one speaking now. “It’s okay to open up here,” he says in his softest comforting tone. “We aren’t going to harm you."

He looks back at all of them and then back to his lap. Under the table he feels Lu Han’s hand grabbing his reassuringly. Pressing gently his thumb on Jimins’ hand then caressing it softly. It’s the most he has ever received as an act of comfort from anyone in years. Years. Jimin raised his gaze to look at Lu Han and what he finds in the eyes of him is the raw emotions. Sorrow and someone that fully comprehends him. In Lu Han he had just found comfort and someone to call not just a friend but something he had lost so dearly.

A brother.

“Why are all of you being so nice to me?” his voice breaks and when he looks back at Haru his eyes were shining on tears. He feels them trying to get out. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. . . he repeats like a broken record.

“Because we care about you.” And that doesn’t make sense because they don’t know him. They don’t know how fucked up he is or everything is. Everything is a lie.

They lure you into believing in them and then, what? They abandon you like a little trinket of their game and it’s not fair. He holds the urge to scoff and to tell them how wrong they are about caring about him. He’s no one. There it is. He has no self-validation and Jimin is not even trying to get past this because he by hook or by crook believes that what people say about him is true. And unlike Jungsoo he has never been good at pretending. Pretending he had everything under control. One way or another his eyes spoke louder than any word he might say and he hated them.

“How can you care for someone you don’t even know?” he reasons. “It’s kind of absurd to care for someone that not even a supposed to be a God of love wants.”

1“God is love. God loves us all, and He loves even the worst sinners. Christ died for homosexual just like he died for your parents and me.” Haru points. And for some reason he feels exposed. “We need to do what Jesus would do in any case: love unconditionally. We must learn to forgive those who do wrong and still love them just like He did with the adulterous woman, Zacchaeus, Matthew and the rest of the disciples. Because Yahve knows what resides within us even before we get there.” Mrs. Haru says and that is the wisest thing he had ever heard in his entire life coming from a Christian.

“That’s why, dear Jimin,” she looks so sure of her words. “That’s the reason we care because we were sent to love not to hate.” Haru stands up looking all fierce and he can see the resemblance between Yoongi and her. “In this household we accept, we welcome, we care and we love unconditionally not just because God told us too.” She shifts her eyes and looks each of them. “Because that’s simply humane. We are humans. We have flaws. We are not perfect but perfectly imperfect.” The words get to him. Somehow he dissolves in those words that without asking permission they flow into to him and record themselves in his heart. It’s nice. It is.

He got nothing to say. Just to simply stay stunned over the words that crashed against him and cracked one of his many walls. He noticed now that Lu Han has never even once let go of his hand and that was very comforting.  I care. We care. It’s what that means and Jimin is no one to argue about that.

And for the first time in forever he feels like the ocean in him is serene. He doesn’t feel like drowning or that he’s drowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls comment and leave kuddos u.u they motivate me to write faster


	4. Chapter 4

Jimin is a guy that as matter of fact has never seen the world outside; he’s never traveled out of his hometown. Not even once. The farther he did ever go was back when he was twelve and went to the beach. That day he found out that he, in fact, hated the beach. It’s too messy, sticky and stinky. Jimin always had these thing for always being clean. While Jungsoo on the other hand loved it. Everything about it. Let’s not forget that the sun burned his skin leaving unnecessary shadows known as sunburn marks in his body. He hated it. Is not like Jimin was pallid because honestly he wasn’t; he’s skin is in the medium ivory side of skin tone.

The beach had a nice panorama that was breath taking.

But still. He hated the beach.

He would rather stay at the umbrella eating the chips like pig than play with the messy sand that would stick in any place it had a chance to. Jimin and the sand are enemies. To death. Especially when it sticks on his tights and would scrap against each other causing them to scratch. So it didn’t surprise him that his parent never took him out for their vacation to Neverland; he never knew where they would go to so he decided to name it ‘breaks to Neverland’. Either way the farther they were the better, he came into conclusions long time ago. Not just because they became physically abusive but also due to the fact that they are also very toxic and not good in any manner for him.

So best option for him is to be very far away from them.

Even when they have closed all the doors for him to leave.

It’s not that Jimin is manipulated; it’s more the other way around. They are manipulating other’s to not let him get a job or a have place to stay. Nothing whatsoever. Because they want him to stay there with them until they say otherwise. The bright side about them taking a break to Neverland is that he can do whatever he wants. Even work at places for as long as his parents are away to save some money and leave to college. That’s very convenient for someone like him or at least for him.  So he worked in things he knew how to do best like numbers; Jimin is very good at math with skills that have excelled in every area. It explains why he wanted to become an engineer. And be the best one in his area.

Many of his teachers have agreed that he had a future for this career.

But like every story there must be a villain or something that doesn’t let the main character get towards the goal as they expect. His parent doesn’t want him to study that; they want him to take over their station. To be a radio producer and honestly, that’s not his thing. He’s more the person to be in a compacted area and have a little something than rather have everybody knowing him. Mr. and Mrs. Park think otherwise. Both strongly believe that this is the path Jimin must choose and undergo as a professional.

This is what they want not what he wants.

“Jimin I need your help with these accounts.” Came a beautiful lady with long black hair, small nose and her doe eyes. “I tried to follow the balance sheet but the numbers just don’t come right, can you do them for me?” he smiles.

“Of course Taeyeon,” his cheeks hide a bit his eyes. Taeyeon is the only woman who had ever dared to give Jimin a job when she knew it is a danger zone. It’s the one of the few people who he feels grateful to for giving him a chance to grow on a place that have him like a freak on leash. Every time his parents are away he always come here to work. Taeyeon had always said to him that every time his parents were away and he needed a place to work he could just come in here like any other employee and start working. There was no need of formalities between them. He was thrilled by the idea of having a job that payed him well and lets him have his ‘special leaves’.

“Anything else you need me to help you with?” he asks, she hums and smiles.

“Actually,” Taeyeon comes back from the storage room. “You know how Mr. Byun is always asking me to let him court me. . .” a tinge of pink forms on her cheeks, her eyes sparkle and cutely tries to suppress the smile at the mention of her admirer.

“Did you finally agree?” Jimin had been witness of Byun Baekhyun being insistent on Taeyeon to court her. He is one of the rich man of the town while Taeyeon is one of the most beautiful and wanted lady of the town. Baekhyun’s family run down a lawyer buffet from generations, hence that he himself is a lawyer and one of the best ones. Taeyeon runs an antique toy shop most of them being hand made. Jimin, ever since he was young, had always wanted to work in a beautiful place like this because he was convinced back then that the shop was full of magic and that Taeyeon was a fairy.

Even though that years have passed and that now Taeyeon is on her mid-thirties Jimin still thinks that she is a pixey and that the shop is full of magic. So he doesn’t blame Byun Baekhyun for chasing such a beauty for a woman.

“I did,” she blushes. “Oh! Do you think I did wrong?” she pressed both of her cheeks with both hands as if trying to calm her cheeks from flushing so much and suppress her smile more.

“I don’t think you did wrong, in fact,” he walks towards her and grabs both of her incredibly soft hands, “you and I both know that Mr. Baekhyun is a good man with great intentions. He doesn’t really do any sort of informalities.” He smiles rascally. “Besides you two would make really cute babies and I would love to be the godfather at least of one of them. . .” she gasps and hits him on the arm.

“Aigo!” she hits him a few more times, Jimin is laughing out loud. “Aren’t you a bit too much Park Jimin? It’s just a date not an engagement meeting. . .”

“It should be!” he goes on. “Noona you are really beautiful; how can you not expect that man to ask for your hand?” he states and it’s only obvious.

“Well that’s not the point.” She fakes indignation. “I am going out with him today and you will be running the shop alone as a punishment.” Jimin fakes shock. He puts a hand on his chest and the other forehand in his forehead.

“Oh! No!” he scandalizes, “now who will come and save me?” inclines himself a bit to the counter to make it more dramatic. Taeyeon is smiling and goes back to the storage room muttering something under her breath.

“I can save you.” Said a voice, that to be very honest, didn’t took him by surprise. He turns around and sees Kim Taehyung. His self-proclaimed best friend who happens to be an atheist, who’s so easy going and easy to talk to. Everything about Taehyung is easy – he makes everything look so easy – even breathing. Taehyung is one of the most laid back person Jimin has ever met.

He was wearing a button up shirt with some weird ass designs and knee short pants that make him look like a mama’s boy. His hair wasn’t even styled it was just there; looking all fluffy. Jimin didn’t had anything against him is just that, sometimes, he’s hard to keep up with. Taehyung is the type of person to bring out many topics at once and yet be bold about the things he speaks about at the same time making you more confused about the subject.

Jimin is convinced he’s from another world. “My dear Hamlet, boy.” Taehyung speaks in his best mix of Korean and British accent, “will you do me the honor of accepting a tea time with me?”

Jimin shakes his head. “No.” He says and rapidly fixes his rude words. “I mean. . . I can’t because I have to take care of the store for Taeyeon.” The face Taehyung made was the thing that told him that he was going to keep insisting until he said yes.

“Look,” he says, “I will go with you after I finish my shift and close the store.” It’s to make up for it and they both know it. He sees the winter boy smile all too brightly and nods happily.

“I’ll help you around the store,” he shrugs. “You know. . . to kill sometime.”

Jimin nods once and goes back to do what Taeyeon send him to do.

They do this all the time and is not new to Jimin however he’s still trying to stay familiar to it. It’s not that Taehyung is bad person nor a guy with other intentions is more like Jimin doesn’t know how to take a person like him. Jimin is not used to a person like him. He’s always used to people calling out horrible names towards him or give out looks that make him unnecessarily uncomfortable. Taeyeon has found this completely normal to see; to always see them together. Taeyeon, as well as Minseok, knows what Jimin’s heart calls out. They know hard he’s been having it ever since Jungsoo disappeared. They both know how sort of good he has become on pretending that he’s alright.

Even when he’s not the one who has always been good at it.

He’d had to get used to it. To the absence of his little brother, whom he misses so much.

Jimin knows who is behind all of this. Or at least he thinks he knows. Because the person behind this is the very same person he had seen last and he is almost certain about this because not only his heart is telling him but Taehyung thinks so too. Why? Because Taehyung is the principal witness of Jungsoo’s case.

The dirty little secret they both retain in common as of why Jungsoo had disappeared; they both know why Jungsoo was the one who was attacked. Jimin stills blames himself for that occurrence although Taehyung begs to differ in that aspect.

Jimin doesn’t believe in the justice of this town anymore.

He knows that the case had been long payed for but he still hopes for someone that’s not corrupted to take the case because the clues are all obvious but everyone seems to ignore the facts stated. Jimin is not ready to accept anything if they don’t bring proofs on the table. They’ve taken Taehyung’s words as if they were meant to be nothing. That says a lot about the justice system of this town; it only works if they’re rich.

There was a knock sound coming from the front door and Jimin directs himself to see who it is and not to his surprise it’s none the other than Byun Baekhyun. He sniggers a bit and then composes himself and cleared his throat.

“Oh- ah, Park Jimin, right?” he smiles toothily and Jimin observes his features a little bit better. He indeed is a very handsome man, with soft features and a melodic voice. He fits for Taeyeon.

“Yes,” he extends his hands and the elder takes it in a firm handshake.

“Pleasure to see you around again, sir.” Baekhyun is all smiles and Jimin can sense the air of happiness in him. “I’ll call out Noona for you.”

He’s about to turn around when Baekhyun quickly says; “No wait,” he scratches the back of his head hesitating a bit but get courageous again. Jimin is standing once again facing him with his hands on his hips pursing his lips and nod a bit.

“I just want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me and Taeyeon. Well, more for her than for me. If you ever need anything do not hesitate on coming to me for help or anything in general.” It’s the honesty in his voice that makes Jimin smile and nod to finally turn around and go back to the storage room where he’d find Taeyeon still doing some inventories and Taehyung squatted on helping her count things from the lower racks.

“Noona, Baekhyun is here.” She opens her eyes like saucers and turns into a mess looking for her purse saying things that were all too incompressible and both boys were laughing. She finally takes her things looks herself lastly in the mirror fixes her hair, exhales and then goes out.

“Taeyeon,” Taehyung calls before the lady leaves she turns back and hums in answer. “Good luck on your date.” He smiles brightly back at her and she raises her fist in a ‘fighting’ motion. Taeyeon mouths a ‘thank you’ and leaves them both to the work she has left.

Jimin is finally left with Taehyung to run the shop. They were in a comfortable silence until its Jimin the one that decides to break it.

“Taetae,” he starts, and the other hums. “How far is the investigation going?” Taehyung looks back up to Jimin and leaves out a sigh.

“I don’t know Jiminie,” he passed a hand through his hair. “Last thing they said was that the descriptions of my attesting doesn’t match with the disappearance of your brother.”

Jimin looks at him and without any invitation his tears start to fall, the sob comes from his chest and rapidly crouches crying himself out.

“Hey, hey,” Taehyung crawls fast to him and pulls him into a hug. “Shhh, I’m here for you.” Jimin cries harder and Taehyung caressed his hair hugging him a bit tighter –securing him in his embrace.

“Why am I the only one that—,” he hiccups a cry. “—cares so much about this case?” Taehyung babied him, sitting down and taking Jimin in a fetal position; soothing him. “Tae I’m so lost without him. I miss him so much! I want my baby brother back!” he cries harder as he shouts into Taehyungs chest. “I’ll do anything to have him back! It’s my fault that he’s in this situation. It’s all my fault! I should have had the phone with me! I should have told him not to go without me!” he’s trembling.

“I’m such an awful person!” Taehyung silently cries as he pressed his chin at the top of Jimin’s head hearing, seeing and feeling him how broken he is; he was determinate to make the culprit pay for this.

Taehyung knows something Jimin doesn’t.

Taehyung knows a lot more than he lets out and for a fact he knows that Jimin is not ready to hear what lies behind all of this. But for now he lets Jimin mourn his brother because he knows that what comes next it’ll be so much worse than this.

Jimin cries for minutes, maybe an hour or so, shouting all of his lamentations to the toys and for Taehyung only to hear. It’s only when he finally calms down that Taehyung dares to speak.

“Jiminie,” he calls and receives a brittle vocalization for a response. “Let’s clean your face and get you something to eat.” Jimin nods meekly and with him still his lap, Taehyung maneuvered to stand up and take him bridal style at the same time walking to the back of the store and take him to the restroom. Taehyung noticed that Jimin’s body aspect was too light for his height and too thin for an average body mass.

“Jimin you really need to take care of yourself.” He murmurs, as he closes the lid of the toilet and sits Jimin there.

Jimin looks at him. He heard but he didn’t listen.  His body is here but his eyes were telling anyone that he wasn’t in the same room as Taehyung. Is not alarming yet is worrisome. Taehyung fears that someday he’ll hear a news about Jimin being hospitalized at a mental hospital.

Tears fall prettily from Jimin’s eyes and Taehyung’s heart ache.

 

Things happen oddly when someone contemplate contingencies in a rational way. It’s like life is telling the human being that being irrational goes better than doing anything rational. Jimin swears that the universe is playing against everything he’s done right.

He is sure that if he was some kind of junkie he would’ve had more luck than what he is right now. A decent person.

As promised Jimin is at the café with Taehyung waiting at the table with his mind wandering to places; places that go far off back in his memory. He hears the bell chime announcing more people to add in the by-goers and bygones of the store. Jimin isn’t paying attention to that, not until he sees a familiar shape getting near the counter behind Taehyung in the semi-long line to order.

He recognizes that is Yoongi because he can see a bit through the side his hair and he’s the only one in this town to have a blonde almost white hair color. It looks really good on him. Jimin notices the way his heart skips a beat by the way he contemplates him. Jimin also sees that Yoongi isn’t as lanky as he thought he was; if observed closely he got muscular arms and broad shoulders. It’s the fact that the clothes he uses are a larger size.

Yoongi haves a really fair complexion; it seems like it can glow on the light of the bulb of the store. Jimin could see that his arms veins are protruding, it’s not bad it is actually sexy. Jimin finds himself enticed by this new found fact about Min Yoongi.

He is being obvious at the whole staring situation—he knows.

But he can’t help it.

He can’t help staring and feeling lured by the peculiar sensation that Yoongi emits of ease. Feels like a kitten fascinated to whatever it is that Yoongi really is. Jimin is curious to see to catch or feel whatever it is that glows from that man that allures him so much.

It calls for trouble. The good kind of trouble. Even when the former is not true Jimin still wants to believe it that way.  And the universe is set on giving Jimin bits of embarrassment because Yoongi turns around and makes eye contact with Jimin. He smiles and waves his hand Jimin awkwardly and robotically does it back to him. He hadn’t expected to be caught like this and with Taehyung. He could think that he and Tae have something—wait, why am I even thinking this way? He thought.

Jimin doesn’t have any kind of trouble with mental health that he’s aware of but he is pretty sure that from Yoongi’s point of view he must’ve looked like if he suffered from Bipolar behavior. Yoongi gets out of the line and walks towards him. He freaks out a little but he tells himself is no big deal that maybe is just him wanting to say ‘hi’ and not establish a whole conversation.

Anxiety starts creeping from within him the nearer that Yoongi got and God, when did he even started to have palpitations and sweaty hands? It’s all so damn annoying.

He smiles and it’s a gummy smile. “Hello Jimin,” his voice doesn’t even sound lethargic like some days ago –it sounds more lively and Jimin wished that Yoongi would spread that thing his feeling right now. “It’s so nice to see you.”

Jimin thinks is for the sake of being conversational but the way it’s worded sounds genuine. Like if he really liked the fact that he’s seeing Jimin right now. He smiles back one of his polite smiles that hide a bit his eyes with his baby fat from his cheeks. “It’s nice to see you too.”

Yoongi placed a hand at the back of his neck – a timid gesture. His hair covers his eyebrows as for the ends meet his eyelashes when his eyes are open. Yoongi looks down and in his lips is a secret smile. “I would like to sincerely apologize for my behavior.” Straight to the point. Jimin is now certain that Yoongi is not the type of man to push around the bushes. “I must admit that I wasn’t on my best demeanor and that I was as annoying as a morning wood.”

Jimin giggles.

He giggled. Since when does he giggles at bad jokes? Yoongi looks at him with this peculiar glint in his eyes that’s so hard to decipher and maybe even addictive because Jimin finds himself coveting that Yoongi ought to give him that look often. He doesn’t know why he wants that look directed at him so much nor why does he insist on looking for more subjects to talk about. The main idea was to just be as less chatty as possible but instead Jimin looks outside and then mentions the first thing that comes out in his mind. “The weather is lovely today.”

Yoongi snorts so hard that Jimin is sure that his nose and throat hurt.

And the Fool Award goes to. . . Park Jimin!

“Yeah the weather is nice,” he’s at least sure that Yoongi is mocking him. There isn’t much to say other than staring at each other like two pair of idiots who don’t know what to string on the conversation.

“Look,” - “look,” They both say it at the same time. Yoongi stretches a smile on his face — his gum shows — and motions Jimin to proceed.

“Lu Han hyung told me that you aren’t like what I saw back at the manor,” he coughs, “so I guess it’s alright.” He nods.

“Jimin,” it’s a shy call. “Can I -um—get to know you?” he plays with the hem of his shirt looking through his eyelashes back at Jimin as a tinge of pink appears in his cheeks. “I want to be friends with you.” It’s cute.

Jimin is smiling because never did he thought that behind that layer there’s an adorable man who. It’s hard to believe yet lovely to see. As for Taehyung; he is completely paralyzed watching the scene unfold from distance holding the tray of drinks and cakes. His heart—his heart does leap in an uncomfortable way and he doesn’t know why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boi i can feel already the drama building up lmao jimin will struggle so much that i already feel sorry for him.  
> p.s. leave me hate/love by commenting and and and and leave kuddos pls ;-; im a hoe


	5. Chapter 5

A remedy that comes to all those who lie; they clip wings that get them high and then leave them where they lie. It doesn’t make sense but then, what does make sense? Jimin slowly tries to grasp all the memory clouds. Where did he go wrong?

Or better yet, why does this even bother him so much?

_“Hyung, hyung, hyung! Look at this starfish.” Jungsoo runs to his eldest brother holding a brown and round starfish. “Isn’t it so weird?”_

_Jimin looks down at it, inspecting slowly the starfish who was still moving its flat belly ever so slowly. “Jungsoo, did you know that starfishes don’t have blood? Instead they pump hydraulic water through their vascular system.” The young boy looks back at Jimin in awe. “Yeah, isn’t it cool?” Jungsoo shakes his tiny head in yes motions while he smiled showcasing that his tooth was missing. “Now you have to put it back because she can die within minutes or seconds out of the water.”_

_“Come with us to the water hyung!” Jungsoo beseeched._

_“I don’t feel well. . . maybe next time we come. I promise.”_

_And with a soldier salute he takes the starfish and runs back to the water where his mother and father were waiting for him to get back. While Jimin would just stare from his spot under the umbrella (of course cursing at the sand for existing) and look back at his little brother_.

Somehow Jimin was glad that his little brother would understand that Jimin was going throw this teenage phase where everything is bothersome. Even talking – moving the mouth for all that matters – was bothersome. Jungsoo, somehow, seemed to understand and if he didn’t he was good at pretending that he did understood. Jimin was grateful for that.

That is one of the best memories he’s ever had with his brother. It’s so simple yet so meaningful because Jungsoo was always there with him. And it’s not even that fact that he was there it’s that fact that he above everyone else he would understand Jimin better. Which explains so much his distaste when he tried to communicate with Taehyung and he wouldn’t understand that he wanted _alone_ time.

“Why in the names of heaven should I leave you alone?” Taehyung said, frowning.

“Because I asked you to? I don’t need to give you a deep and insightful explanation as of why do I want to be alone – I just do.” Jimin said. “Isn’t that enough for you to leave me alone?” he placed his hands on his temple and rub them in circular motions. “And when I say alone Tae, I mean **_alone._** ”

Taehyung is frowning and at this point he looks overall confused. Jimin just really wished for Jungsoo to be here and slowly explain to Taehyung what _alone_ time means – Jimin just needed to tell once to his younger brother and without any further ado he would _just_ do it. Jungsoo would say _‘okay, see ya later’_ and leave him the fuck alone.

Without. Asking. Questions.

“But why can’t you tell me who was that guy that was talking to you?” he asked for the millionth time that week. “Why do I need to leave you alone every time I ask you who is that man – I don’t get it.” He motions his hands up in the air. His eyes didn’t have that shine they always had; it was so unlike Taehyung not to have that shine in his eyes.

That made Jimin worry but at the same time back of and stand strong on his point of wanting to be alone. “No. Seriously Jimin, I really don’t get it. Once you’re like good and stuff and you let me in and everything is fine. I feel part of you even and I feel like we understand each other but then I don’t feel so later on. And it’s just so confusing because I feel like we are getting somewhere but then we are not.”

It’s so uncharacteristic of Taehyung being this kind of mad about something – about anything to be exact. “Am I your friend or not?” Taehyung _just_ doesn’t get mad; there’s always something behind and Jimin knows he must’ve fucked up really bad. Now it was Jimin’s turn to feel confused and it didn’t make sense any of this whole conversation by now.

“What are you talking about Tae?”

Because Taehyung was mad he was about to relent and tell him about Yoongi but he knows every consequence about it. However, the fact that Taehyung was livid (and Jimin was confused and angry right now because nothing makes sense) he doesn’t know if it’s the right decision to tell him about the guy. He questions how did the argument turned out to be like this and in what part of the argument did he fucked up.

“Am I part of your life or not?” he asks, it’s not really a question. “You know what? Forget it. I don’t want stick around and confuse myself anymore.” Taehyung grabs his keys and starts to walk away.

“No! wait – Tae. . . I didn’t mean to-” Jimin couldn’t even finish what he was going to say because Taehyung had already closed the door on his face. Leaving him completely _alone._ Only to realize that he didn’t wanted to be _alone_ he just wanted to be _left_ alone. . . if that makes any sense.

“ _Ah!_ Fuck, fuck, fuck. **_Fuck!_** ” He hits his head with the palm of his hand multiple times. Hard enough that it could leave a bruise. “I’m so fucking stupid.”

The question is, why did he wanted to be left alone? He could have answered truthfully about that man he saw at the coffee shop. It’s not like it’s hard to answer the question, or even private whatsoever, so there’s no need to avoid it. But somehow he felt like he should avoid the question at all cost. Which it doesn’t make any kind of sense to him because there’s nothing to hide. He had fucked up everything big time with Taehyung as a result of his unsureness. Perhaps he just jeopardized the only string of help he had to make justice for his brother.

Then again it’s not entirely true the reason why he was fretting so much.

Jimin sits down on one of the antique couches reclining his head back. “Why does my heart ache just knowing that he’s mad at me?” With his right hand he touched his chest – where his heart beats painfully.

It aches right there because it reminds him of his last actual conversation with Jungsoo. One he wished he could change but it was done and he couldn’t take back all the things he told his brother. Jimin was afraid of the repercussions this can get him in a near future because, unlike Jungsoo, he does not know if Taehyung will forgive him for being the way he is.

He’s alone in the shadows of his room and in the sorrow of every edge of it. He knows that when he was a kid this is not what he meant for being happy. Somehow, he knows that when he meant to wait for his brother to come home and call him annoying names right before going to college.

Hell, he had expectations. . . like right before going to college he’ll be crying with his brother and not necessarily out of consolation to his brother. More like he was always the one who’s a crybaby. Jungsoo would be the one to comfort him instead of him comforting Jungsoo. Jimin had that idea and he waited for that idea to happen one day.

But things don’t always happen the way he expects because he is a fuck up in life and he hates it. When will he ever do something right? When will he stop being a disappointment to everyone else? Fucking hell! He doesn’t even know why he **_cares_** so much about all of this. He doesn’t deserve the life he’s been getting. Along the way he had been blessed with a roof on top of his head and food in his table.

Yet, nothing feels right for him at this moment or ever because he feels tainted. No. He doesn’t feel, he is fucking tinted with all the dirty little secrets he’d tried to burry. But right here, right now where he’s alone in the darkness of his room and in the torments of his mind he knows how dirty he is.

And he feels it.

Jimin feels everything weighing down on him and he wishes he could get smaller. He wants to disappear from everything and not breathe. He should be the one who’s not breathing.

He screams and screams and screams. He pulls his hair and scratches his body leaving marks around his back trying to get out all of the dirt out of him. “Fuck you God! Fuck you!” he yells at the top of his lungs. “Fuck you for making me and my life the way it is!” he roars louder; eyes were bloodshot as the rivulets fall upon tracing their way from his cheeks to his neck.

Everything was smothering him as he felt being mocked and heard the laughter of the towns people. They were all calling him names — names he thought he had earned. Jimin still had those kind of painful memories marked inside of him. That place in his mind that demons call theirs.

He hates that he feels so dirty.

Jimin feels how the traces of dirt in his every inch of skin and he doesn’t stop screaming and cursing loudly without care that his neighbors might hear him. The secret was at the tip of his tongue and on the back of his lungs. He tried his best to not tell it since he knows no one will ever believe him.

“Fear the Lord.” He said, looking up to his ceiling as if there he was going to find any type of answer. “I’m a bad apple. . . just like **_he_** said.” He closed his eyes and he wished it was forever.

Few days after their argument he doesn’t see Taehyung.

He was minding his business at the shop with Taeyeon making him run around the shop while she told him about his date with Baekhyun. There were new beautiful toys of wood she made and Jimin contemplated them as the most delicate things he had ever seen. He gazed carefully for a while at the Canary bird inside the cage.

“And oh _God,_ Jimin he was so sweet!” Taeyeon half squealed, smiling so bright and wide he thought she could light up the whole place with it.

“And the food, how was it?” he inquired hollowly. She doesn’t grasp on this and keeps talking vividly.

“It was delicious. . . what am I going to do Jimin? It was meant to be one date but we are going out constantly.” She pressed her palms on her face to suppress her smile and the blush that was staring to creep on her face. Jimin thinks it was cute and he was happy for her because at least she was starting to acknowledge that she deserves to be just as happy as her sister. “He is so charming.” She added dreamingly.

The bell of the store chimes announcing a newcomer to the store. Jimin quickly looks up expecting to see Taehyung as per usual but his expectations lower from five percent to zero when he doesn’t see Taehyung. However, what brought him to a small shock was the man standing at the door observing every corner of the shop like a lost child. Jimin watches as Taeyeon walks swiftly and with grace to his direction welcoming him to the store and probably offering him the new products or telling him about the things that are in clearance.

Jimin tries his best to sway things off and directs himself to the back of the store where he continues with other wood projects that Taeyeon had handed him the day before. He didn’t possess any woodcarving abilities until he started to work with Taeyeon. A woman whom her passion and dream was to create the most beautiful wood toys for the kids out there. But in the few years he had come to be actually doing it he noticed that it wasn’t always the kids out there who would come and get those toys or wanted to possess them. It was more likely the adults the ones who wanted to have a toy. It took him time to understand why but as time went on he saw that the adults who bought a toy were those who once lost the inner child in them and would connect with it somehow in whatever toy. That’s why all of them were carved and done differently. Some toys could be the same but they had something different to all of them because no one connects equally with their long lost inner child.

He worked hard on them even when he knew that he had forever lost his inner child. Jimin carved each toy with the hope that one day he would see Jungsoo again. He felt like a toy would be the one who could help him reconnect with everything he’s lost – his family included. Once a kid grows up they realize how cruel and unfortunate the world can be to those who are weak — ostensibly that only the strongest will survive. They say that you need to remain pure for the world to see that you are unaffected by it but, how can anyone remain pure in a world so cruel?

That’s another paradox that life had brought upon him and he wasn’t getting any answers out of it. Everything must be all so cryptic and complicated and for once he wanted a straight answer. It honestly didn’t felt good to fight against the world; it would always be an unfair fight.

Jimin knows he’ll regret many things from then and now.

“Jimin!” the voice coming from the front room brought him out of his thoughts.

He knew it was Taeyeon calling for him, so he quietly stood up bearing a small, fake smile in his face. “Yes noona?” he inquired. His steps were calculated and his eyes wander slowly to the room until he connected his eyes with her.

“Can you wrap this up for the gentleman here?” she asked softly.

He nods and proceed to walk behind the counter marking numbers on the register machine and then look for the materials to wrap the toy.

“Jimin. . .” the man uttered quietly. “I’m sorry for what happened I didn’t know –”

He cuts him off midsentence. “It’s okay, really. You shouldn’t worry about it Min Yoongi.” He avoids making eye contact with him.

“No. It’s not okay. I shouldn’t have acted like that towards your boyfriend.” Yoongi tried to reason.

He frowns. “Wait. You think Taehyung is my boyfriend?” Jimin snorts and the grins. “He is not my boyfriend. He is more like an overprotective friend.” _Or at least we were._ He starts wrapping the toy delicately, but it doesn’t go unnoticed the fact that the toy he was wrapping was butterflies inside the cage.

This one was specially tailored by him few years ago with one simple meaning behind. He didn’t want to share the meaning behind it with Taeyeon back then, only telling her that person that decides to buy it will understand the meaning of it. So she let it go and he guesses that this is the reason why she sent him to help Yoongi wrap the toy. Because she knew that finally someone understood the meaning behind that it and she wasn’t going to let the opportunity of Jimin seeing the person who understand go.

Jimin was grateful for that.

“Is that so? Well that was one way to react back there.” Yoongi added carefully. Jimin observes how his gaze grows distant as he licks his lower lips. It’s as if he was thinking what to say next and Jimin thinks it’s kind of adorable the way he calculates his next words. He appreciated the fact that at least he was trying to be careful with his words. It meant that he was taking into account that Jimin, despite his outside demeanor, was a very sensitive person on the inside.

“Listen, I would really like to be friends with you.” He repeats his thoughts from days ago. “This might sound weird but, would you like to go and grab a coffee?” Yoongi says. It took Jimin a while to actually answer thus Yoongi takes the wrong idea. “I mean; it doesn’t have to be now or –”

“It’s okay.” Jimin says. He gives him a small smile and Yoongi tilts his head in confusion then his eyes grow a bit wide and connects what Jimin said. “We can go out and drink coffee somewhere after my shift is over next Sunday.”

And Jimin can literally feel the dread lounging in his stomach after realizing the words that have come out of his mouth. Before he can take the words back, Yoongi agreed by slowly rubbing the back of his neck as he nods. “Should I wait for you or—”

“No. I mean, yes. You can wait for me at the Chocolat coffee shop. My shift ends at seven. . . so I’ll be there by seven twenty.” Jimin says.

Yoongi looks down with unreadable eyes then looks back at him. “Yeah. I’ll be looking forward.” He adds.

They stare at each other and the room reeks in gawkiness while they both nod back and forth. These are the moments where Jimin wished he had the chatterbox ability. It would have been so much easier if he knew what to say or if he could say something about anything in general. He wonders how Taehyung makes talking look so easy and just as the thought came he felt the impending grey cloud coming to bite his ass about Taehyung.

“Can I have, uh, my stuff?”

“Huh?”

Yoongi points at the bag.

“Oh!” Jimin quickly gives him the bag. “Yes. Have them and please don’t hesitate to come back.”

Yoongi takes his bag and leaves without another word and just as he goes out Jimin slams his head against the counter. Because, fuck! Did he really just _don’t hesitate to come back_ him? If he were to be a super hero and those were his last words he’d be damned. That was a really bad choice of words and super awkward.

Yes. That’s it. He’s the super awkward hero.

He’s pretty sure by now that Yoongi must be thinking that he’s mental or something. To hell with second impression, they are way worse than the first impressions. Jimin feels like he should go after him and profusely apologize to him about this shit for a catchphrase and ask all the Gods up there to send the Men in Black to erase Yoongi’s memory in that specific time because that was the worst conversation he ever had with anyone.

He was groaning so loudly he was pretty sure the Western people could hear him. . . but that would be very sad because they’ll get nightmares about the man who groans. Jimin doesn’t want to actually pass his curse to anyone, so he spares them. “Fuck my life.” He says out loud. “Why does these kind of shit keep happening to me?”

“Maybe because you are just too senseless for your own good.” Taeyeon adds.

Jimin felt how his soul was leaving his body. “Noona you scared the living shit out of me.” He continues. “Did you heard that?”

She replies with a _yup_ popping the ‘p’ and he groans louder this time.

“That was really bad, wasn’t it?”

“No. I actually think I would be very charmed because _don’t hesitate to come back._ ” She sarcastically adds, the traces of humor in her voice all evident.

“Fuck you. I’m going to the back.” He dramatically adds. “Deal with the people yourself. I am unavailable for everyone; you included.”

“I love you too.” Taeyeon replies and he flicked her his middle finger. Thus, Taeyeon burst out laughing.


	6. Chapter 6

Jimin's body was at church however his mind was definitely elsewhere. He didn’t want to hear all of the bullshit the pastor was saying about the bad apples and how he wanted them to repent because Christ was coming. He was also condemning the people if they didn’t listen to what he actually said; to fear the lord.

“Submit to the lord.” The pastor had added at some point of his speech.

Jimin scoffs loudly and everyone in the room directed their eyes towards him putting him on the spotlight. “Why don’t you try it?” he adds carelessly and his eyes looking defiantly at him.

The people around started whispering and the pastor didn’t retort back. He was just as shocked as the people. People were waiting for the pastor’s next response but he couldn’t utter anything he was there looking as if he was caught in the headlights. It was as if, finally, Jimin had for once won an argument.

“Don’t tell me to submit on something you can’t bring yourself to believe in.” He knew that what he had done was going to earn him quite the beating once his parents were back from their trip. But in his utmost honest opinion this time it was worth it.

He walked all the way back to his house ignoring completely the fact that he could have asked for a taxi. Jimin wanted to think and set all of his emotions right because ever since his fight with Taehyung his mind had been all over the place. It was in fact, unfair the way he treated him. Jimin had this unorthodox feeling in his chest telling him that he threw Taehyung under the bus for someone he barely knows. Moreover, for a stupid crush. To think that he was such a bad person had his guts recoiling on the inside and realizing how much had Taehyung done for him and how he had payed back to him.

_“Who’s your friend Jimin?” Taehyung speaks, his voice evident that he was seething but not to Jimin._

_Jimin can certainly feel the aloofness coming out of his voice but he had thought of it as Taehyung’s personality. He had to hold himself back from barking at him to be friendlier towards someone he doesn’t know. However, he understood why he was being like that – his sense of overprotection will always kick in when it came to strangers. At this point the air of awkwardness was change by a heavier mood and Yoongi seemed to have caught on it quickly and raised an eyebrow towards Jimin. To which he opens his mouth to try to explain but nothing comes out of it._

_“I see. . .” Yoongi says lowly and slowly. “A very controlling boyfriend.”_

_Both Jimin and Taehyung frown at him. Before Jimin could clarify otherwise Taehyung stepped in first. “What if I am his very controlling boyfriend? How’s that any of your business?”_

_“You’re right. It isn’t.” Yoongi had said and walked away._

_Once he was out of the shop Jimin turned back on Taehyung. “What was that for?”_

_“Jimin, that guy doesn’t ring any good bells—” Taehyung says._

_“How would you know? You don’t know him.” Jimin cuts him off._

_Taehyung tried to explain. “I don’t need to know him to know that he is trouble for you. Listen, you are finally setting your life back on track to let it ruin it for someone that can possibly harm you. I don’t want to see you like last time. . . it was horrible.” However, the more he spoke the more Jimin looked like he was about to explode._

_Jimin adds angrily. “Taehyung one thing is that and the other thing is categorizing everyone as bad people. You are being judgmental and stupid. You don’t know me or what I want or what I feel. So can you please stop intruding into my life. You are not helping me. You are being such a hassle and a dick.”_

_He continues. “I don’t want people to think we are together or that we have a possibility to be together because we don’t. I like that guy and that’s nothing of your business Tae. God, can you like stop with trying to help you’re only making things worse for me.” And only after he said everything he realized that he had hurt him and that he was being uncalled for._

_Taehyung nodded. “Okay.” He gave Jimin the food tray. “You can give that to Taeyeon. I don’t want it anymore.” Taehyung leave’s him behind._

He’d know that he had to apologize for what he said but his pride was greater than anything else. So here he was standing in front of the two story house about to knock when the door opened abruptly revealing Taehyung’s mother, they quite look alike, as she offered him a big rectangular smile.

“Oh!” she blinks surprised. “What a nice surprise seeing you here. Do you need anything?”

He shakes his head. “No. Well, actually,” he swallows, looking down while scratching the back of his neck. “Is Taehyung around?”

“Oh dear, didn’t you know?” she says sounding a little more surprised than before. “He went back to Daegu with his grandparents.”

“No I didn’t know.” He says sounding between dumbfounded and not so much dumbfounded. He should have seen this coming.

“He only goes there when he’s very upset. Do you know what’s going on with him? He says it’s nothing but I think it’s otherwise.”

Great now, how is he supposed to tell the mother of his friend that he was the one that got him upset? It’s just. . . the universe was against him. He gets it. But did it really have to be this complicated every time he tried to set things right? He sighs and he denies knowing what was wrong with Taehyung. He knew by the way she was looking at him that she didn’t entirely believed him but had no other option than to accept his words.

He’d had to learn to accept, eventually, that he is a piece of shit for a person and that the only thing there’s left of him is to wallow on his own self-pity and self-hate. Perhaps, it was time to do things right and accept the lies that his parents had ever told him. If he does accept this sad reality maybe he can find some comfort in the lies and get caught in them like all the others in this town.

 _This town is our town… so motherfucking glitzy._ His brother had said once, sarcastically that is. There isn’t anything glamourous about the town and he knew that he referred to all the liars in it. It was time to accept it.

This town is his town and he’s part of it.

 

 

The beauty of being human lies within each imperfection. And like any wise man would say; imperfection is perfection. Canalizing that fact, he sees the epitome of imperfect perfection that is Min Yoongi back at the shop but this time around he was looking around rather than buying anything made. He was certainly not ready to come out of the back room, but he wanted to get close and strive for a conversation Problem was that he didn’t wanted to seem too obvious or too desperate. Because he wasn’t neither. He just really wanted to talk to him and apologize for his embarrassing catchphrase from a week ago and leaving him hanging on their meeting.

Honestly, he can’t even pin point where did this crush started. All he knows is that Yoongi makes him nervous and jittery and he wants to puke from everything he’s feeling. Did he really needed to make obvious that he had a thing for assholes? No pun intended. God knows he’s week but he couldn’t help it. So growing the balls, he steps forward and walks straightly to his doom – Min Yoongi. From a far distance Yoongi looks delicate and ethereal and too real to disbelieve a person with such splendor can exist and he also looks like that from up close. So there really isn’t so much of a difference when he’s close to him because he makes him nervous even from the distance either way.

There is nothing interesting about this guy either, he’s just a person who constantly acts up like he’s always mad at everyone. And it really made Jimin curious too; the fact that he acts a certain way when he feels the complete opposite to it made Jimin kind of amused. However, at the same time feel him in a way that he couldn’t recon feel before with anything else. It was like they understood each other and they silently agreed that they did but out loud they wouldn’t admit it or cross words about it. It sure did felt nice to Jimin but he wasn’t so eager to find out if Yoongi felt the same because he was not ready to face disappointment. He’d rather keep it platonic than make a fool of himself.

“Hi,” _that was awkward_.

“Oh hello. Didn’t thought you worked today. . .” he says, but there isn’t a hint of surprised in his voice. “But now that I see you I would like to apologize for my behavior from last time to your friend. That was really uncalled for and honestly I would have gotten protective too.”

What did that mean? Only God knows. Nonetheless it made Jimin feel completely jittery and unnecessarily happy. He would have gotten protective too and that made things a lot harder for him. Because he was already building these imaginary expectations and giving himself hopes when he shouldn’t be.

A fun fact not so fun is that Jimin’s favorite sport is being completely stupid and he has already an unbeatable record on it.

“Don’t worry about it, actually, it should be me the one who should be apologizing. Taehyung was, like you said, being over protective and he means no harm so please don’t take to heart his actions. That’s just how he is.”

“Is that so?” he adds thoughtfully. “Then can I see him please? I want to apologize personally.”

Jimin panics internally, once again as he got reminded of the reason why Taehyung left the town. “Well the thing is that he isn’t here.”

“Then. . . where can I find him?” Yoongi asks, not really hiding the fact that he wanted to know more about Taehyung.

“At Daegu.” Jimin said, sadly.

“Oh.” This time around Yoongi was genuinely surprised about it. “Well. . . that is far.”

“He’ll be back soon, or _eventually_. He needed to sort some things back there so I really don’t know when he’ll be back.”

Yoongi grins knowingly. “Okay. Since he isn’t here, why don’t you and I go out for lunch.” He takes out his phone and showing him that it was as matter of fact mid-day and two minutes for him to take his lunch break. Jimin only looks at him like if he had lost his mind for a moment – at that moment Yoongi leaned in half of his right elbow towards the counter looking down then up straightly at him. “You don’t look at all convinced. Tell you what,” he sniffed. “You and I go eat something—we don’t have talk about important matters—and we can just look like total idiots eating silently. The point is, Jimin, that there isn’t anything wrong with talking to me or being around me. You stood me up last week and, if I am to be honest, it hurt my pride.” He continues. “Part of me wanted to believe you forgot about it, but I clearly know that you just stood me up by choice. I want to clear up to you that I’m not mad at you _or_ at your friend. I have an attitude problem and that isn’t anyone’s fault; I actually wanted to make it up to your friend, but he isn’t here so why not take my offer and we clear things up like adults. Once again, I’m really sorry about that.”

The thing is. . . it’s true that he had stood him up and that there wasn’t any excuse for him doing that. Perhaps it was about time that he started to take other people’s feelings into consideration. It’s part of the reason why Taehyung left and how he stood up Yoongi’s offer by choice. This is that opportunity to make things right. Not just for his sake, but for Taehyung too and maybe after Taehyung comes back he can apologize and tell him that he does matter to him and that he is sorry for taking him for granted.

“Deal.” He says with a small smile. “I’ll clock out for lunch.” Finally says, and directs himself towards the back and shortly after he comes back once again. This being his first mistake of the day.

The place was relatively full when they arrived and after they order and ate the food to Jimin’s surprise Yoongi was a really good story teller and had an amazing passion for photography. To his surprise, once he started talking about photography, Yoongi wouldn’t shut up. It was also easy to talk to him and for the second time in a long time he had forgotten about it all. About his problems and about his parents being away for a while. If only this kind of tranquility in his life would last he’d had more chances to be himself rather than faking everything about him.

“I was thinking of going to Toronto next year.” Yoongi says after a while.

“Why?” Jimin asks.

“Because I kind of have the feeling that I’d be having a great adventure over there. Last year I went to Seattle to take some pictures with my mother and they came out fine. I want to have a gallery night and I want to include photos of Korea as the representation of the land that saw me grow.” He says, and there was something about the way he said it that had Jimin wondering about the outside of the town. Imagining all the _what if’s_ and beauty outside the toxic cycle.

“It must be fun to travel.” Jimin adds after some time.

“It is. Especially when you get to meet other cultures and explore other people’s races from the perspective of the lens. Although sometimes it’s quite lonely because my mother is getting older and she can’t keep up with my energy at times so most of the time she stays behind. I feel sorry and grateful for her.” Yoongi looks down to his cup of coffee sorrowfully and somehow Jimin understood that loneliness in his eyes. He knows what is like.

“I’m sure she enjoys it even if she’s getting old. . . to be honest I think your mother is quite cool.” He smiles. “She’s also seems to be a very good mother and a great companion. I hope you enjoy everything about her until either of you last breaths.”

Yoongi smiles blissfully. “Yeah. I’m lucky.”

“You’re a mamma’s boy, aren’t ya?” Jimin giggles.

“And I won’t even deny it.” He states proudly. “I love my mother to the next galaxy and back. She’s the best.”

Yoongi smiles and there’s something about that smile that makes everything about Jimin turn upside down. For the first time, he sees something so ethereal with his own eyes and it’s Yoongi’s smile. Maybe all the good things are in everything he thinks to be forbidden and maybe Yoongi isn’t so bad at all.

At the realization of his train of thoughts Jimin abruptly stands up from his seat ready to leave the place. “I-I just realized I have to go back to work and it’s getting late and –” he in-exhales to calm down. “Sorry,” he carefully says. Jimin turns around leaving Yoongi behind. This was it; he had finally closed the chapter for good.

“Jimin,” Yoongi calls after him. “Would you like to model for me?” Yoongi asks bluntly. “Like for my photography shit—if you don’t mind that is.”

Jimin’s second mistake of the day was when he nodded. “Yeah, sure.” And then fully agreeing.

Yoongi smiles again and Jimin wishes he would stop because he isn’t aware of how that’s either killing him or reviving him. “Okay. Cool. See ya around.” He says while giving him a napkin and then leaving.

When he was finally out of sight Jimin opens the napkin only to find scribbled letters and numbers.

_It was nice talking to you today. I honestly didn’t think I’d go this far. I was prepared for you to tell me off, haha. Anyways, here’s my number and kakao id for if you don’t wish to share your number._

“Min Yoongi. . . you are too adorable for your own good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and give kuddos to the story ^^


	7. Chapter 7

Jimin had a hard time coping with the idea that Min Yoongi wanted him to be his model before he goes back to traveling. Telling him that he had that kind of face that was hard to forget. Which, to his defense, it was hard to believe. Jimin is pretty sure that he's the most forgettable person ever. Then again, it came from Yoongi, a person who had no reason to lie to him. However, it was also questionable because he did have reasons to lie to him; make fun of him would be an option. There were so many factors he couldn't simply shake off of his head. Which, technically, it's just him over thinking about it, and it wasn't the smartest thing to do but he still wanted to do so. His excuse for it it’s that it had made him survive all these years. So, why stop now? It wouldn't make any sense if he did stop now. Jimin would guard himself once again, there isn't any reason why he should trust a stranger. Not yet, he thought.

So he went back to work as he usually would do and Taeyon was a little too happy. He knew that Baekhyun must've done something right to have her like this because she doesn't swoon easily. He was almost tempted to ask about it if it wasn't for the very fact that she wouldn't shut up about it. But, then again, it's Taeyon and she rarely ever let herself go like this. It was almost enviable  because he'd never had a chance to feel like this. He went with his dilemma for about fifteen minutes until he finally caved in and asked her about it.

“Well he’s a gentleman, that's for sure.” She said and Jimin could see the glitter in her eyes; she was happy.

“Tell me more about him. Where did you guys go and what are the future plans?” he asked this time a little more intrusive. She blushed, which it meant that they talked more than she was letting on. Jimin was utterly curious this time so he gave her a knowing look.

She sighs. “Well okay,” Taeyeon fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “We talked about dating and taking things further… he said that he doesn't just see me as a mere date but as a full potential for a partner. As in he's contemplating marriage with me and that scares me. A lot.” This time she took a long pause before continuing. “It's not that I don't like him, it's more of the fact that I've never thought about marriage or being with someone for all that matters. And it's just…”

Somehow he knew what she meant. _Frightening_. That's the word she wanted to say but didn't dare to articulate outloud. He could clearly see where Taeyeon was coming from because he was going through the very same thoughts about himself. And it was just weird how two different people can understand each other with suchlike feelings. So once more he smiled at her reassuringly because he couldn't offer words of comfort as he has never came across this path completely to assure her words. It's always comfortable with Taeyeon, he thinks. If Jimin’s heart didn't beat the way it did he was sure he would try to date someone like her.

Once more the days go by and at some point his parents called telling him that they were going to be out longer than three weeks. They reminded him to be careful and to keep himself out of the towns mouth. Which he didn't care at all for them to be out, it's not like he needed them to be honest. The longer they were out the better for him; it gave him chance to work and get as much money as possible to get our of there.

It was midnight when he decided to call Taehyung because the tension was sincerely killing him. He and Taehyung never went so long without talking which it was utterly weird that he hadn't heard from the other. He was was hoping that the younger would answer, and after three tones he heard the phone being picked up and he was glas about when he heard rustling sounds. He lets out a gentle sigh of relief.

“Hello,” the voice was deep and coarse and it had a velvet tone to it. “Who's this?” he was sleepy.

Jimin had never thought about the fact that Taehyung’s voice over the phone was richer and smooth. “It's me,” he articulated cautiously and hesitantly, “Jimin.”

“Jimin?” there's a little bit of shock in the other end. “It's been a long time since you've called… actually, you never call.” Then, more awake than before, Taehyung started rambling worried. “Is something wrong? Are you hurt? Did your parents did something to you? Jimin? Jimin, are you okay? I --”

“Oh, no! I'm fine.” Jimin cuts him off. “I just wanted to…” _to what? He's been avoiding you, dumbass_. He ignored his bad thoughts because it's Taehyung and he's unpredictable. “I wanted to say that I'm sorry Tae. I really, really am.”

There's some more rustling on Taehyung’s end and Jimin waits patiently for him to answer. “No. You don't have to apologize, hyung. In any case, it should be me the one to say sorry. Really, I had a shitty week and took it out on you.”

Jimin sighs while shaking his head, he then remembers that Taehyung can’t really see him. “Taehyung, you don't have to apologize for anything. I said that I was sorry because I am an asshole and that's final.” He can hear to Taehyung chuckling on his end; it's harmonious and low. It's the kind that makes you smile along with him. And Jimin knows that they are okay… they are going to be okay. “I want to know how you're doing, Tae. Your mother said you went to Daegu.”

Taehyung talks to him about his father pushing him to pursue medicine. It's not that he hates medicine, it's just that he would rather be a teacher than dealing with blood.  He tells him other whatnot and Jimin tells him about his possible crush on Min Yoongi. They talk a lot and it's the middle of the night and neither of then mind going to sleep late.

Beauty is something that is truthfully in the eye of the beholder, but sometimes people are beautiful in a different way, not in looks, not in what they say but just the way they are. They way they just simply exist. Taehyung is beautiful inside out, Jimin wasn't just saying it, it's true. And for all that matters Jimin knew that Taehyung didn't realize how much of a beautiful person he is. Sometimes Jimin wondered how did he ever get so lucky with a friend like Taehyung. He was glad that the younger self-proclaimed as his bestfriend.

The days pass uneventfully and Jimin was glad for the peace he's getting from these past weeks. He was once more at the shop taking care of one isle when the doorbell chimes and he quickly greeted the guest without looking back. When he spins around to assist the guest he finds a Min Yoongi very close to him dressed very nicely. Yoongi was clad in a navy dress shirt that was neither too loose or too tight, it depended on his movement whether it looked tight or loose. His hair had soft waves and it was parted in the middle. He looked gorgeous and striking; the harder Jimin tried to look away, the more he had to stare.

Jimin was so hypnotized by the handsomely dressed man right in front of him that his words came out softer than usual. “Can I help you with something?” 

Yoongi’s smile ghosted around his face showcasing his smile. “Yes… I believe you're the only one can help with this.” He utters in his smooth but raspy voice.

Jimin could tell that he can see the confusion by the way his gums show when he smiles bigger than before 

He went on to quietly say, “Let's go on a date.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I would like to thanks anyone who patiently waited for this update. I am trying to fit a schedule for this fic on the main one. Here is where I pushed the plot a little bit forward. I was torn in between with this chapter but I'm still glad about how it turned out. Anyways, hope you have enjoyed it and don't forget to leave a comment ^^


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